Removing testicles. Fun stuff.

The first surgery I ever got to assist with was a neuter, and I loved every second of it. Seriously, if I could just remove testicles from things all day, I would be completely happy. My boyfriend probably doesn't need to know that...

It's just awesome. How could anyone not think that is awesome?

I can't remember if the first one was a dog or a cat because all testicle removing surgeries are pretty much the same, and they are all really simple. Thus far in my career, I have gotten to assist with dog, cat, cow, pig, sheep, lemur, ferret, rat, and camel neuters (some of those are generally referred to as "castration", but whatever). I might have even missed a few animals in there.

Camel castration aftermath.

Anyway. This post is mainly just informative, so when you take your dog or cat or something to the vet to get neutered, you know what's happening (and this might not be 100% correct because all vets do things a little differently, but you'll get the basic idea).

So. Dogs. First, that puppy is popped (given a sedative shot). Then there is this hilarious waiting period when the dog is going down. Hilarious because they do some really weird things. Sometimes creepy things. I was a little disturbed the first time I saw it. Then I got all morbid and found the humor in it. Some dogs just start swaying back and forth and eventually flop over. Some puke. Some try to fight it by going on with their normal doggy business (trying to lick their balls for the last time or something) and then fall over in the middle of it. Some get super stiff and lay on the ground with their legs straight out (that's probably the funniest.. and most disturbing). It's all completely normal, though, I assure you. And on to the next step we go...

The dog is taken to the surgery room and put on gas anesthesia to completely knock them out (with gas mask/intubation). Then they are moved into position (on their backs with their legs spread wide), and their paws are tied down. Last step before the vet comes in (the prep is usually done by vet assistants or techs): prepping the incision area by shaving and scrubbing.

Then a single incision is made (on dogs; cats get one for each testicle, and their incisions are left open after surgery), and the vet pops one testicle out, ties it off, removes it, and then does the same with the other. Pretty easy. The incision is sewn up (usually treated with antibiotic ointment afterward), the dog is given some antibiotics and painkillers, and that's that.

Most vets use gloves, but since the testicles are just under the skin, there is much less chance of infection (at least the serious, fatal kind) than more internal surgeries (like spays, which I'll talk about in another post).

If you want to see the whole thing (because it is pretty cool to watch), here's a video I found on youtube (it's slightly different than the method I explained, but the end result is the same, and it's informative): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qHGm8mDQts

The perks of being "The Testicle Collector"...

When I was little, working cows with my grandpas, dad, uncles, cousins, and brothers (I was usually the only girl) was the most amazing, exciting adventure in the world. I loved getting to be that close to the cows. I honestly had dreams about getting to pet them while they were stuck in the head chute, squirming with fear and discomfort. I mean, yeah, I felt bad that they had to go through that, but everyone assured me we were helping them, so I was okay with it (for the most part).

For those of you that are "city folk" and have no idea what I'm talking about, working cows= rounding up the herd into a big pen, running them one-by-one down an alleyway, and catching their heads in a gate so they can't go crazy and hurt anyone while they are getting their vaccinations and dewormer. It is also when they are sprayed with fly spray, dehorned, checked for pregnancy/general health, and, if necessary, castrated. That was my favorite part because I had the best job that there was; I was the testicle collector.

Just so you get the idea..

Why did I collect the testicles, you ask? To give them to people that enjoyed eating them (not my family, don't worry). But that wasn't the most interesting part of my job (they were just slimy, bloody testicles that I threw in a bucket). No, the things I looked forward to the most were the scrotums. 

That's right, people; I liked the ball sacks. 

When castrating a cow (using the "cutting" method), the tip of the bull's ball sack is cut off and tossed aside so the baby producing treasures can be exposed. I don't know if anyone realized I did it, but I collected those ball sack tips right along with the testicles, and then I saved them (wow... I was a scrotum hoarder...). 

Ah, the memories.. (not my picture; don't worry, I always washed the blood off of them before I carried them away)

Organizing them by color, I laid them out on the table on Grandma's porch, and I kept them until someone threw them away or the dogs carried them off. I even named them (I distinctly remember a red one named Henry..). They were my fuzzy, little, scrotum toys, and I played with them for hours. They were just so soft. I cringe a little thinking about it now, but you know how when something is soft, people have the tendency to rub it against their faces? Yeah...I'm pretty sure I did that with my scrotum pieces. I ever so gently rubbed bovine ball sacks on my face. 

This is another one of those things you probably shouldn't tell people if you want to make friends...